Dear Boston-area Shitheads and the People Who Love Them, As you well know, Boston experienced a terrible tragedy earlier this year. The Red Sox quickly became one of the things around which people rallied in the wake of that tragedy, and the improbable run that the team has had since that time — not to mention the tremendous amount of work that the Red Sox organization and individual players have done to honor the people most affected — has, for many, served as a symbol of the city’s resilience and recovery. Tonight (or tomorrow night) could be an historic occasion… [read the rest]
- Thrilled to announce that the only 2 things I know about @Beyonce's "Lemonade" are 1.) @Beyonce did something & 2.) it's called "Lemonade." about 5 days ago
- Starting to doubt claims that exercise is good for you. Did some yesterday and now feel much worse than I did before. about 6 days ago
- Mourning update: Still fucking wrecked about #Prince. PS: There's an iPhone emoji that basically = "Purple Rain." You're welcome. ☔️ about 1 week ago
- Someone just found my site by Googling "the medicines for long time of fucking." Clearly, my SEO strategy is working. about 1 week ago
- This one hurts. #RIPPrince #Prince https://t.co/nLAd5LFxkN about 1 week ago
Daddy on the Go
- I've narrowly cheated death yet again
- Why, yes, children, of course we can get a dog … and by “yes” I mean “fuck no.”
- A note to my children from The Elf on the Shelf
- Just take the fucking medicine! A nursery Rhyme
- Zombie Dinner Party … with your chef, Dr. Hannibal Lector
- Mother Nature is a heartless wench who will turn your own children against you
- The time I almost became a highly paid insurance mascot.
- The time I committed the most embarrassing social gaffe in the history of embarrassing social gaffes.
- The time I did my best to completely sabotage a dream vacation.
- The time I finally used my passport.
- The time I got a vasectomy.
- The time I nearly burned down my house.
- The time I built a car … I mean, a high-tech doorstop.
- The time I was forced to deal with an incontinent doll.
- The time I couldn't free my daughter from a bath seat in which she had become trapped.
- The time I hung out with Van Halen.
More Ways to Love Me
- This one hurts (8)
- Amy K.: I grew up in the Minneapolis area, and still live here, and we are taking it hard! I was lucky enough to see...
- Keeley: I must be older than you; for me it was Bowie. It was my son who texted me that Bowie was gone and right...
- Paige: I had never cried over a celebrity or musician dying until Thursday. 🙁 I’ve had his music on full...
- Karen B.: Me too. All of it. Taking this one hard. 🙁
- And then I went outside to shovel and never came back (22)
- Amy: Are you still shoveling? Hope you survived the winter and hope the red socks have a good season ?
- This one hurts (8)
- This one hurts
- And then I went outside to shovel and never came back
- “10 Years a Blogger” (which seemed like a catchy title when I first thought of it, but then I realized that’s because it’s reminiscent of “12 Years a Slave” … which I never saw, but I assume it’s about slavery … and, other than the pay, blogging has nothing in common with slavery … the latter of which is neither a funny topic, nor anything to make light of … and I should probably just stop talking now)
- Jury unanimously rules in favor of enraged father who used controversial “Star Wars”-spoiler defense in the beating death of his 12-year-old son’s dickhead classmate
- Star Wars: The Dork Awakens
- I was going to be a successful writer but then A.D.D. and Facebook and what the fuck were we just talking about?
- Dear Interstate 95: Please stop being an asshole.
- I have many important updates for you … minus “many” and “important.”