Hit me up.
- RT @ScratchPolitics: If ever I ascend to a position of great importance, I shall demonstrate my fitness for that position by throwing parti… about 3 days ago
- I'm 46 years old & I still get excited when I realize I can buy & keep beer in my house and drink it whenever I want. 🍺 about 3 days ago
- RT-ing 'cause I know some of you live in PA. If so: Please take action. If not: Um... here's a cute, fuzzy koala be… https://t.co/CvZAO5TTJJ about 4 days ago
- Hey, did I mention I launched another Twitter account and I'm using it to try to stave off the apocalypse? https://t.co/N94rw1dRmv about 4 days ago
- Psssst: I'm writing over here now: https://t.co/5U6RjvAEYE And tweeting over here: https://t.co/hcnPVc75rB about 1 week ago
- Good news for those of you not interested in getting bludgeoned half to death by my angry, political rants: https://t.co/tWWtN3ITxV about 1 week ago
- Thankful for one more Thanksgiving with the word "elect" in between "President" and "Trump." 🦃 about 2 weeks ago
Daddy on the Go
- I've narrowly cheated death yet again
- Why, yes, children, of course we can get a dog … and by “yes” I mean “fuck no.”
- A note to my children from The Elf on the Shelf
- Just take the fucking medicine! A nursery Rhyme
- Zombie Dinner Party … with your chef, Dr. Hannibal Lector
- Mother Nature is a heartless wench who will turn your own children against you
- The time I almost became a highly paid insurance mascot.
- The time I committed the most embarrassing social gaffe in the history of embarrassing social gaffes.
- The time I did my best to completely sabotage a dream vacation.
- The time I finally used my passport.
- The time I got a vasectomy.
- The time I nearly burned down my house.
- The time I built a car … I mean, a high-tech doorstop.
- The time I was forced to deal with an incontinent doll.
- The time I couldn't free my daughter from a bath seat in which she had become trapped.
- The time I hung out with Van Halen.
More Ways to Love Me
- Good news for those of you not particularly interested in getting bludgeoned half to death by my angry, political rants (4)
- The post in which I take a deep breath and try to pull my shit together (5)
- Good news for those of you not particularly interested in getting bludgeoned half to death by my angry, political rants
- The post in which I take a deep breath and try to pull my shit together
- Well, look on the bright side: At least we … um … you know … uhhh … there’s always … hmmm … OK, I’ve got nothin’. We’re fucked.
- This one hurts
- And then I went outside to shovel and never came back
- “10 Years a Blogger” (which seemed like a catchy title when I first thought of it, but then I realized that’s because it’s reminiscent of “12 Years a Slave” … which I never saw, but I assume it’s about slavery … and, other than the pay, blogging has nothing in common with slavery … the latter of which is neither a funny topic, nor anything to make light of … and I should probably just stop talking now)
- Jury unanimously rules in favor of enraged father who used controversial “Star Wars”-spoiler defense in the beating death of his 12-year-old son’s dickhead classmate
- Star Wars: The Dork Awakens