Hit me up.
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Daddy's Briefs
- Dear Bud Light Lime-a-rita: If the objective of your inaugural commercial was to make me throw up in my mouth ... job well done! about 4 hours ago
- ... or 3.) The apparent lack of a "Log out" link anywhere on the @Flickr page in a desktop browser. Just me? about 4 days ago
- 2.) The fact that my @Flickr pro accounts are now wasted $$ ... about 4 days ago
- I don't know what I like more about the new @Flickr: 1.) The heinous layout/design ... about 4 days ago
- Your mother. about 1 week ago
- Fun science fact: It is physically impossible to NOT have a drink while listening to AC/DC's "Have a Drink On Me." about 2 weeks ago
- Q: What kind of a man pisses all over the toilet seat in a workplace bathroom and doesn't clean it up? A: The bad-aim, giant-asshole kind. about 2 weeks ago
- If #NRA CEO Wayne Lapierre was a bigger asshole, he would need a full-time colonoscopist. Linking Boston bombing to your cause? You douche. about 3 weeks ago
- #RedSox are the only team in MLB with 20 wins and single-digit loss record. Neener neener, everyone else's team. about 3 weeks ago
More ways to love me
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Recent Posts
- No, I don’t miss this view at all. Why do you ask? *weep*
- Believe it or not, Hallmark passed on this one
- Exciting news: I am now the millionaire owner of a Major League Baseball school whose employee roster includes Michael Cudlitz, star of the TNT cop-drama “SouthLAnd.”
- And then I got into a political argument with Boston Red Sox pitching legend Curt Schilling
- If you like this, you should probably put a ring on it … and then you should get your head checked by a mental-health professional.
- Burger King spiked my co-worker’s fries with a mind-altering substance
- The Scratches Take Manhattan, Part 3
- The Scratches Take Manhattan, Part 2
- The Scratches Take Manhattan, Part 1
Recent Comments
- Safety 1st my ass (15)
- mommyteya: I – a meer woman – have never had such a hard time getting my child out of the seat. I think...
- Believe it or not, Hallmark passed on this one (5)
- Jim Liston: Hallmark doesn’t have a sense of humor. I’ve been looking for a great card about the first...
- Jayna: 7 years (6)
- Ted Evans: Your daughter and my daughter is about the same age and I find it funny that we have the same issues (The...
- It will be best for my daughter’s future boyfriend if someone hides this picture from me, because if I should happen to see it on the night that he comes to fetch her for their first date, I will pummel his teenage ass to smithereens (39)
- Moiz Khan: Awwww….this is such a beautiful article. Im only 22 but I would just love to have a daughter. They...
- When you buy a $300,000 car, do you take out an auto loan … or a mortgage? (Actually, I’m guessing you pay for it with a bag of unmarked bills.) (14)
- Colt: I work at an insurance agency and we ran a quote the other day for a Ferrari. Surprisingly, it came back just...
- Safety 1st my ass (15)
Greatest Hits
- A note to my children from The Elf on the Shelf
- Just take the fucking medicine! A nursery Rhyme
- Mother Nature is a heartless wench who will turn your own children against you
- The time I almost became a highly paid insurance mascot.
- The time I built a car … I mean, a high-tech doorstop.
- The time I committed the most embarrassing social gaffe in the history of embarrassing social gaffes.
- The time I couldn't free my daughter from a bath seat in which she had become trapped.
- The time I did my best to completely sabotage a dream vacation.
- The time I finally used my passport.
- The time I got a vasectomy.
- The time I hung out with Van Halen.
- The time I nearly burned down my house.
- The time I partied with all the cool mommybloggers and saved The Bloggess's life … sort of.
- The time I thought my son was going to get his ass kicked by a girl.
- The time I was forced to deal with an incontinent doll.
- Why, yes, children, of course we can get a dog … and by “yes” I mean “fuck no.”
- Zombie Dinner Party … with your chef, Dr. Hannibal Lector
