Jayna: 7 years

Jayna, 7th birthday retrospective

Dear Jayna,

You turned 7 five months ago and I am only just now writing about it. Sorry. Daddy had a severe case of blogger burnout.… [read the rest]

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Posted in Jayna, Jayna's Birthday Letters | 6 Responses

Zan: 9 years

Zan, 9th birthday retrospective

Dear Zan,

Not for nothing, but, um … didn’t we just do this?

I vaguely recall thinking, at some earlier point in my life, that a year was a looooong time. The annual recurrence of your birthday, however (and, sadly, of mine as well) now serves as a reminder that these “year” things are whizzing by with steadily increasing speed. Basically, I’ll be dead soon, is what I’m saying. Happy Birthday, son!… [read the rest]

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Posted in Zan, Zan's Birthday Letters | 16 Responses

We interrupt this embarrassingly prolonged silence to bring you an actual blog post

“Hello? … Yeah, this is him. … I have a what? … A blog? Oh, shit, that’s right.”


Hey, you guys! How’s it going? Me? No, I didn’t die; I’ve just been trying desperately to make the minimum monthly payments on my Mt. Everest-sized pile of debt … and since my mad website-building skillz currently pay more than my mad blogging skillz, I’ve been focusing as of late on the former endeavor … which explains why I currently am in Boston attending An Event Apart, a conference for people who build websites.

The best part about attending the conference? My employer is paying for it. The second best part about attending the conference? I got to hit last night’s Red Sox game with my Dad.

Fenway Paaahhhhk.

The best part about hitting last night’s Red Sox game with my Dad? He paid for it.

Actually, the best part about hitting the Red Sox game with my Dad … was hitting a Red Sox game with my Dad … something that neither of us had any interest in doing when I was a kid. (This is what my social-worker wife would call a “corrective experience.”)

Now, as with any plan involving my Dad, there was a high probability of confusion and chaos … which is why, when he called me from a stranger’s phone 40 minutes prior to game time and left me a voicemail saying that he’d forgotten his own phone at home, I was convinced that the likelihood of him and I finding each other in the mayhem outside of Fenway Park prior to, say, the 7th inning was anorexically slim.

(And for those of you asking: “Why didn’t you just answer your phone when it rang, dumb ass?” Well, firstly: I don’t appreciate being called a dumb ass. Secondly: I rarely answer my phone when I do recognize the caller’s phone number … but when I don’t recognize the caller’s phone number? The caller stands a better chance of contacting me via carrier pigeon.)

And so it was that I hunkered down at my favorite pregame watering hole, ordered up a delicious Fenway Pale Ale …

Fenway Pale Ale @ Boston Beer Works

… and prepared to watch the first six-or-so innings on the flat screen hanging over the bar.

You guys: Life really is full of surprises:

Daddy Scratches' Daddy. #RedSox

It is with tremendous glee that I tell you the photo above was taken during the bottom of the second inning … and it is with even greater glee that I tell you we arrived at our seats in the bottom of the first inning, just seconds before Big Papi hit a two-run, game-tying blast into the right-field seats.

Add to all of that some spectacular weather and seats that were located a mere eight rows away from the field …

Spoiled by the sweet seats we scored to the Red Sox game

… and what you have is a Hallmark-worthy evening of father-and-son bonding.

Thanks for the corrective experience, Pop!

And, hey, speaking of father-and-son bonding: My boy turned 9 last week … and I soon will post my highly anticipated* annual birthday letter. Stay tuned.

*My Mom really looks forward to it. That counts.

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Posted in Life, Red Sox | 9 Responses

This be my bad chariot

This be my bad chariot
Click the image above to view full-size photo.

I searched high. I searched low. (Actually, I only searched low … because I can’t afford high.) And finally… [read the rest]

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Posted in Featured Photo | 17 Responses

This post is pointless, goes nowhere and contains a completely unrelated photograph. Allow me to apologize in advance for wasting your time.

Oh, I’m sorry, were you waiting for me to say something? Forgive me. I wanted to post something sooner, but, well, you see … my life no longer involves doing the things I want to do. It has instead devolved into a series of tasks … the most time-consuming of which as of late is my continued quest for a used minivan that can do two seemingly contradictory things: 1.) Fit into our meager budget, and 2.) Be something other than an embarrassing hunk of shit that compels us to wear bags over our heads while we travel around town.

We haven’t had to buy a new vehicle in over a decade … and I’d forgotten just how unpleasant the entire experience can be. In fact, I somehow managed to delude myself into believing that I was the one who would be holding the cards this time around, and that the used-car dealers would bow to my iron will and empty wallet.

I have now been to a number of used-car dealerships, and at each one, I sat at the salesman’s desk and went through the unnecessarily long and drawn-out charade of them showing me a price, me showing them the lint in my pockets, them taking my offer of lint to the magical Wizard of Oz-like entity who apparently makes such decisions from an office on high, and then returning with a barely altered figure that resulted in my bidding them a good day.

After the third or fourth time this scenario played out, it became clear to me that a broke-ass dude looking to trade in a 15-year-old jalopy with a blown head gasket in exchange for a bargain-basement-priced-yet-practically brand-new minivan shouldn’t expect the dealer to grovel and quake when said broke-ass dude rejects said dealer’s offer and walks out.

That phone you don’t hear ringing? Yeah, that’s the dealer not calling to say he’s now eager to meet my demands.

Here’s a picture of me with a gigantic bear sculpture made out of nails:

I have no idea why I'm showing you this.

Alrighty, then. I’ll get back to you after I have this whole van thing sorted out.

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Posted in Life | 16 Responses