Your front-row seat to my nervous breakdown

Here’s how much of a good time Wonder Woman and I had in NYC this weekend: The two straight-up margaritas we had delivered to our hotel room after knocking back several rounds during lunch at a nearby restaurant? I didn’t even mind when I found out the next morning that those two drinks cost us a total of almost $50. 

And speaking of knocking back several rounds during lunch at a nearby restaurant… 

Yes, that is a penis above our heads. No, we weren’t surprised when we saw the photo; we knew it was there. In fact, Wonder Woman basically said, “Let’s ask the bartender to take a picture of us sitting under this penis.” Girl’s got a one-track mind … (and a great sense of humor, right honey? Love you!)

In addition to being hungry, we also were luncheoning at the penis place because our “Concierge Room with Times Square View” at the Park Central hotel wasn’t yet ready when we tried to check in early … and don’t ask me why they call it a “Concierge Room,” because there definitely wasn’t a concierge in the room … which was for the best, really, since having a stranger present during our romantic afternoon tryst would have been kind of awkward. 

I do, however, know why they call it a “Times Square View” … and it was super cool to retire to our room after lunch and spend a few hours watching that view go from this … 

to this … 

because Times Square during the day is cool … 

but Times Square at night is exponentially cooler … 

Once night fell, we dressed up and headed out for a delicious Italian dinner at Serafina. (In related news: You know what’s awesome? Sitting on an Amtrak train from Philadelphia to New York City and using an iPhone app to look up restaurants near the hotel where you’ll be staying that night, finding one, and then reserving a table for two, all without having to interact with any of those annoying human-being creatures. Ah, technology, how I love thee.) 

After dinner, we zipped on down to Broadway, where we grabbed an after-dinner cocktail at Sardi’s and took in comedian Colin Quinn’s one-man show, “Long Story Short,” which is directed by Jerry Seinfeld. Picture-taking is not allowed in the theater. And speaking of the theater, here’s a picture I took: 

Unfortunately, my rebellious streak doesn’t run as deep as it once did, so while I was willing to flout the rules in order to capture a picture of the set, I was much too chicken to snap one while Quinn was onstage, because God forbid I got caught and was asked to leave; I’m pretty sure no one would have appreciated a 40-year-old man interrupting the performance by crying and sobbing like a 5-year-old girl while begging the usher to not kick him out of the theater. (Quinn’s show, by the way, was great. Basically, it’s a history of the world that illustrates how we’re as big a bunch of assholes now as we were 40,000 years ago, and does so in a way that makes you laugh for 75 minutes straight. You should go. And, no, no one’s paying me to say that. I wish they were … but, sadly, they aren’t.) 

After the show, it was time to PAR-TAY!!!! … and by “PAR-TAY!!!!” I mean “return to the hotel, put on our pajamas, take some Tums and some Tylenol PM, hop into bed and fall sound asleep before the clock strikes 12 … or 11, for that matter.” (Hey, listen, when your kids wake you before sunup every morning, a good night’s sleep without the threat of a predawn assault is exponentially more exciting than going to yet another bar.) 

Armed with a good night’s sleep, we were ready to get all touristy Sunday morning, so we braved the arctic winds to take a stroll around Rockefeller Plaza. Here’s what the human face look like after being flash-frozen: 

More compelling than our own frozen faces, however, was this face: 

That’s a picture of “Today” show weatherman Al Roker taped to the inside of the door to the room where all of the equipment gets plugged in during those outdoor “Today” show segments. Someone had left the door open … and I’m glad they did, because if they hadn’t, I’d never have known that some NBC employee had killed a little time one day by creating a Demonic Al Roker caricature, and I’d never have been able to share this little-known secret with you, Internet. You’re welcome. 

As for the untouched Susan Boyle picture … well, I find its presence disconcertingly inexplicable. 

I didn’t have time to wait around for an explanation, however, because Wonder Woman lost interest quickly, and that walk of hers hypnotizes me, so I abandoned the Demonic Al Roker & Susan Boyle mystery in favor of watching her do her city-girl strut.

Rowrrr.

Breakfast at the Stage Deli followed, and normally I’d consider commenting on how expensive it was, but my perspective has changed, because, for the price of two room-service margaritas, we were able to get an entire meal! 

A short while later, we were on a train headed back to Philly, basking in the afterglow of the best 24 hours we’ve had alone together since that trip to Mexico I keep meaning to tell you about. 

Having the opportunity to spend more time in Manhattan is one of the things Wonder Woman and I were most excited about when we made the decision to move to Philly last year, because my father-in-law was very plugged into the Broadway scene and knew the city like the back of his hand. He and my mother-in-law had for years been touting the fun and relatively frequent NYC excursions they wanted to take us on if/when we lived near them. 

Being there this weekend for the first time since our move, and trying to reconcile the fact that we lost him before we had the chance to go on any of those highly anticipated double dates, made for some bittersweet moments … but I must say, we were able to focus more on the sweet than the bitter, because we did have several NYC excursions with him in years past, and he is the man who taught us how to “do” New York … so, for as much as being there will always make us long for opportunities lost, it also will always feel like a way of staying connected to him. 

I think we did him proud this weekend. And I think we’ll do so again. Sooner rather than later. Because I ♥ New York.