And in tonight’s ‘News That Will Surprise No One’ segment comes this story…

Mercy! Uncle! Whatever the “I’ve had enough of this shit” code word is, I’m saying it.

Enough.

Listen, I tried. For almost three months, I was Wellbutrin-free, and during that time, I learned alot about myself — to include this interesting tidbit: WELLBUTRIN WAS MADE SPECIFICALLY FOR ME.

Do I want to be dependent upon a twice-a-day dosage of an antidepressant in order to be a functional human being? No, I definitely don’t. What I DO want, however, is to BE A FUNCTIONAL HUMAN BEING … and, for better or worse, I’m way better at doing that when I’m taking Wellbutrin.

I am a desperately moody person. I am easily frustrated and quickly angered. I am prone to blowing my stack with little or no warning.

Yesterday, Wonder Woman and the kids returned from a five-day visit with her parents. I had missed them terribly … but, within an hour of their return, after listening to the kids fighting and whining, and unsuccessfully trying to get my son to comply with what I was telling him to do, and having him respond by hitting me (albeit weakly), I ordered him to his room … and when he didn’t obey, I hovered over him and absofuckinglutely BELLOWED at him “GET IN YOUR ROOM!”

That might not look so bad on paper, and I know there are times when parents yell at their kids, and it’s no big deal … but there’s a difference between raising your voice because you’re trying to discipline a child who won’t listen to what you’re saying at normal volume, and exploding in an uncontrolled rage. I have been trying really hard for a really long time to not yell at my kids in an out-of-control way, and the sound that came out of me yesterday was inhuman. Demonic, in fact. It scared the shit out of him, it scared the shit out of my daughter, it positively stunned my wife, and it scared even me. I can still hear it in my head. I wish I could take it back.

Did he get up the stairs? Yeah, my scared, tearful, 6-year-old son got up the stairs after I fucking lost my shit on him … while telling me he hated me and wanted to beat me up … and I can’t say I blame him.

I understand that kids say shit like that. I understand it’s part of being a parent and that, generally, I shouldn’t take it to heart. But I also know when I’m wrong … and what I did to him was wrong.

And it made me flash back to when I was a kid … and my parents would scream at me … and my father would bully me … and that was generally the way things were done. I remember I started working out in the basement when I was about 12 or 13 specifically because I wanted to get big and strong enough to kick my father’s ass.

I don’t want my son to feel that way about me.

Last night, Wonder Woman had to go out, so I put the kids to bed by myself. As my son was getting into bed, I took him in my arms, and cradled his way-too-big-to-be-cradled body in my lap, and looked into his eyes.

“I’m sorry about what happened with us today,” I said. “And I’m very sorry I yelled at you like that. I should not have done that.”

“It’s OK, Daddy,” he said.

“No, it’s not OK. What you did was wrong, and it upset me, and I did something wrong back to you, and I shouldn’t have. What you did wasn’t OK, but what I did wasn’t OK, either.”

“I know. It’s just that, sometimes, when I’m upset, my mind doesn’t work right and I do the wrong thing.”

“I know, pal. And it’s Daddy’s job to teach you what the right thing to do is, not do the wrong thing back to you. So we have to work on it together, OK? We have to work on both doing the right thing, even though we’re upset.”

“OK, Daddy.”

And then I gave him a kiss and a hug and told him I loved him, and read him his books, and sang him some lullabyes, and rubbed his back.

And I’m trying to focus on the fact that, even though the part where I screamed at and bullied him and he got scared and upset and pissed at me was frightfully reminiscent of a dynamic from my childhood that I don’t want to perpetuate, the part where I addressed it at bedtime was not something I ever got from my father … so I’m hopeful that my capacity to add that piece to the puzzle will pay off in the long run.

Meanwhile, I know one thing is for sure: I didn’t have such a hard time dealing with shit, or lash out at people so readily, or experience such dramatic and unnerving mood swings when I was on Wellbutrin … so I’ve started taking it again.

Will I stay on it forever? I don’t know. I know it makes my liver work overtime, and I’m not crazy about taking something that does a number on my liver … but I also know that, lately, I’m feeling really overwhelmed and less capable of managing my life, and I didn’t feel like that (at least not to this extent) when I was taking Wellbutrin … so, for now, my liver can go suck it.

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Don’t call ME Chicken Little, you bastards

Don't call ME Chicken Little, you bastards

Remember a few nights ago when I was all, “Oh my GAH! The wind! THE WIND, I tell you!” And everyone was all…… [read the rest]

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Word got out that I’m the guy who can make or break your television series

Southland

That Ray Romano, boy, I tell ya. He knows a good thing when he sees it … and by “it,” I mean “me.”

As you may recall, I sprinkled upon Ray’s “Men of a Certain Age” series premiere a wee bit o’ my special Daddy Scratches magic-pixie dust, and BOOM! Next thing you know, the show is a success, and Ray’s all “Well hello, season two!”

You’re welcome, Ray.

Anyway, it seems Ray was chatting me up to “SouthLAnd” star Michael Cudlitz … a conversation I’m pretty sure went a little something like this:

Ray Romano (everybody loves him)So, Michael, I hear TNT saved your “SouthLAnd” series from NBC’s guillotine of stupidity.

Michael CudlitzYeah, that’s about the size of it. Hey, by the way, Ray, I’ve been meaning to tell you: I love you, man.

Ray Romano (everybody loves him)Have you been drinking?

Michael CudlitzNo, man, I’m just sayin’: I love you. Seriously. And so does my family. My neighbors, too. You know, come to think of it, pretty much everybody loves you.

Ray Romano (everybody loves him)Yeah, I get that a lot. So anyway … about your show?

Michael CudlitzWhat about it?

Ray Romano (everybody loves him) Well, if you really want to get it off the ground, I got this guy you should hook up with.

Michael CudlitzWho’s that?

Ray Romano (everybody loves him) Daddy Scratches.

Michael CudlitzDaddy who?

Ray Romano (everybody loves him) Scratches. Daddy Scratches.

Michael CudlitzSounds like a meth dealer.

Ray Romano (everybody loves him) Oh, he’s a dealer, alright … but not of drugs, my friend. No, no: He’s a dealer of ratings. One namecheck from this dude, Michael, and you and your “SouthLAnd” amigos are lookin’ at smooth sailing. We’re talkin’ seven seasons, syndication deal … the whole nine.

Michael CudlitzGuy sounds pretty powerful. He’s in Hollywood?

Ray Romano (everybody loves him) Nope. Works out of his house back east.

Michael CudlitzYer shittin’ me.

Ray Romano (everybody loves him)Zero shit, my friend. Guy’s, like, some kind of geeked-out hermit blogger. But I’m tellin’ you: One little mention from this guy, and you and your boys are lookin’ at a multi-season pick-up, no question.

Michael CudlitzWow. Well, thanks for the tip, Ray. And, seriously: I love you, man.

Ray Romano (everybody loves him) Yeah, yeah, enough with that already.

I’m betting that’s pretty much how it went. And that’s why Cudlitz presumably went to YouCast, the company promoting the show, and had them send me a sneak preview of the season-two premiere of “SouthlLAnd,” which airs tonight (3/2) on TNT.

Now, here’s the deal: I get sent marketing pitches all the time … with even greater frequency since attending Mom 2.0. To date, I have written exactly one thing on this site as the result of a marketing pitch: my aforementioned “Men of a Certain Age” piece. Basically, it’s nothing I’d want to make a habit out of … but the fact of the matter is, I had been meaning to write about “SouthLAnd” for months, dating back to when, after watching — and thoroughly enjoying — the show’s first season, I learned that NBC was pulling the plug on yet another high-quality series.

For some reason, Wonder Woman and I have a tendency to latch onto shows that get spiked after a single season. I generally loathe television, but occasionally, a show comes along that demonstrates some true creativity and intelligence and is written with a certain degree of restraint and subtlety and nuance … you know, the antithesis of shit like “The Bachelor” and “Jersey Shore.” And, sadly, my research has revealed a strong correlation between the degree to which a new television show is aimed over the heads of mouth breathers and the likelihood that said show will be canceled.

So imagine my dismay when “SouthLAnd” got bumped in order for Jay “I Am An Enormous Douche Canoe” Leno to launch his doomed-to-fail-from-conception 10 p.m. variety show, a.k.a. “Prelude to a Backstabbing: How I Royally Screwed Conan O’Brien.”

And then, imagine my delight when I learned that TNT had rescued this totally kick-ass series.

My take on “SouthLAnd”: It’s a great show with a long story arc and thoughtful character development that requires a viewership whose attention span is longer than that possessed by the average crack-smoking hummingbird. If you’re willing to have a little patience, you’ll be rewarded for staying with it.

My favorite show of all time is “N.Y.P.D. Blue.” I won’t be so bold as to say that this still-in-its-infancy show is on par with that legendary program, but I will say that “SouthLAnd” is the best cop show I’ve seen since “Blue” left the airwaves, and that Cudlitz’s John Cooper has the potential to become the most interesting, multidimensional, hard-boiled-cop character on TV since Sipowicz, and that the actors in general are the best ensemble cast I’ve watched since “The West Wing” bowed out.

Needless to say, I’m psyched it’s back, and I highly recommend you watch tonight’s season premiere. (And, no, I wasn’t paid to say that; I was sent a memory stick with a 15-minute season-two sneak preview on it. Nothing less, nothing more. Which begs one to wonder just how spectacular an ass-lathering I’d have given the show if they threw in, say, some hot-buttered popcorn. Something for you marketers to consider.)

You can find more info on “SouthLAnd,” including full episodes from Season 1, here.

UPDATE: See? I told you Cudlitz knows I’ve got his back:

Cudlitz retweets Daddy Scratches

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Entering The Keep

Entering The Keep

Doesn’t this entrance just seem to say…… [read the rest]

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Let the healing begin … in the dungeon

Because what I really need is one more ridiculous and time-consuming thing on my agenda

I don’t think I’ve ever before posted a black-and-white photo for my Photo of the Day feature, but I also don’t think I’ve ever…… [read the rest]

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