This sign is located adjacent to Zan’s school, and I often end up parking right by it. On two previous occasions, I’ve said to myself, “Ooohhh … shiny lights! Me take picture!” and then attempted to shoot the pretty sign, and on both of those occasions, the camera said, “You left the flash card at home instead of putting back inside of me, dummy.” I finally got it right yesterday.
I was going to use the photo as a jumping-off point to write about how I wish I could slow down, but I’m much too busy for that right now. (I swear, a new blog entry is on the way … I think.)
We now return to your regularly scheduled blog, already in progress
I know it’s been six days since I wrote a full-fledged blog entry, but if it makes you feel any better, I have desperately wanted to do so long before now, and my failure to do so has weighed upon me heavily during every waking hour of every one of those blogless days … which, seeing as how I never sleep, means I’ve suffered lots of self-imposed failure-to-blog guilt.
As I mentioned last Thursday, however, Jayna came down with a cold, and the days since have been one big ball of sleepless, coughing, nose-blowing, snot-wiping goodness.
Friday, I took a sick day so that I could tend to her while Wonder Woman was at work, and despite her illness, we still had a lovely time together; as any parent with more than one child knows, when you have an opportunity to spend a long stretch of time with just one of your children, it feels like a mini-vacation, because you don’t have to get up in anyone’s grill with the “Stop touching your brother/sister!” and “Who had that toy first?” and “It is not acceptable to hit each other!” and “If the two of you can’t behave, I will lock you each in your respective dog crates and spray you with the hose again!” (Don’t worry; I’m just kidding about that last part. I would never lock my children in dog crates and spray them with a hose. Those are two separate punishments, and I never combine them.)
Tuesday, the child still was not well enough for school, and Wonder Woman again had to work, and I didn’t want to burn off another sick day, because what if I get, like, swine flu before the end of the year and I need those sick days for my own damn self, but don’t have any left because I used them all up on behalf of my selfish children, who don’t care about my needs, which causes me to resent them for the rest of my days, creating an irreparable rift in our parent/child relationship, and what about that, huh? HUH?
So, instead, I tried juggling my work duties with my nursing duties, and that went not so awesomely. At one point, I got so desperate that I loaded Jayna into the car and drove around for 45 minutes until she fell asleep, then pulled into the parking lot at the public library, busted out my laptop and hijacked a Wi-Fi signal so I could work while she slept, which I figured would be for at least a good hour or so. My plan would have worked perfectly, except that she started having a coughing fit two minutes after I stopped the car, which woke her up, so instead of being a productive employee, I spent some quality time in the children’s reading room checking out the library’s pet gerbil, who spends his day snuggling up in a big pile of snuggly looking stuff and napping, and is it a bad sign when you find yourself wishing you were a gerbil stuck in a glass tank at a public library?
Of course, by yesterday, the cold had jumped from Jayna’s body into Zan’s, and it was pouring cats, dogs and livestock outside, so Mommy was trapped in the house all day with a pair of sick kiddos … which, on the list of “Fun Things To Do,” is right up there with wearing chopped-sirloin underwear and dropping a rabid badger down your pants.
The stir-craziness of a full day indoors culminated in a crescendo of screaming and fighting yesterday afternoon, about 15 minutes before I was scheduled to conduct a phone interview with one of the members of The Wiggles, and I’m so glad the kids quieted down by then, because something tells me it would have been bad form to beat my children whilst talking to one of The Wiggles, am I right?
Point being: until some big corporate sponsor comes along and ponies up some cash, my life occasionally will get in the way of blogging about my life.
You hear that, big corporate sponsors? Pony up, bitches. I mean, who wouldn’t want their product associated with a blog where some foul-mouthed, sleep-deprived guy talks about meting out cruel and unusual punishment to his young children?