OK, LISTEN UP PEOPLE:
Remember when I asked you to “Like” that photo last week so I could go to Howard Stern’s Birthday Bash and you blew me off? Well, I lost by TWO “LIKE”s … and it’s ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT! No, really, look:
BUT NOW YOU HAVE A CHANCE TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT!
There’s a NEW contest … and I need you to PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE click on the photo below, and then click “Like” on the photo itself. And then “Share” the photo with everyone you know and have THEM “Like” it! (Please note: I don’t need you to “Like” this post that I’ve written here; you have to click on the photo first, then “Like” the actual photo. And you have to be logged into Facebook for it to work. And you have to sacrifice a virgin chicken at high noon. OK, that last part isn’t true … but I know what I’m asking you to do is a pain in the ass, so I just wanted to point out that it could be worse.)
(NOTE: If you see a message above that says “This Facebook post is no longer available,” it just means that you’re not currently logged into Facebook. If you click HERE, a new window will open up where you can log into Facebook. Once you do so, the photo should appear in that same window so that you can “Like” it.)
Look, next week is my 44th birthday. Wanna do something nice for an old person? Then “Like” & “Share” the photo! It takes two seconds! I mean, seriously: You’d have to be a mean-spirited douche who hates puppies and children to NOT do this for me.
Yes, I’m fucking begging you. Do you want me to end up in a psych ward, all hopped up on lithium, drooling on myself while muttering “I almost won”? I didn’t think so. Therefore, “Like” & “Share.” The sooner I win tickets, the sooner I can stop humiliating myself with this pathetic begging and campaigning … and the sooner I can get back to writing something that’s actually entertaining. Basically, you’ll be helping YOU by doing this for ME, see? So help ME help YOU!
(Also, FYI: The “Peace & Love” thing is an ongoing joke on the Howard Stern Show, not some random, drug-induced hallucination I had. I don’t do drugs … but I’m going to start doing them if I lose this contest. Basically, if you choose not to help me win, you’ll be making my kids the children of a drug addict. I know you don’t want that on your conscience … so just “Like” the damn photo!)