Do the dew

I told you it was even cooler than the “Frost” one.

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Posted in Featured Photo | 18 Responses

Get real

Get real

Listen up, you mental patients: I didn’t really shove my kids into straight jackets straitjackets, duct-tape their mouths shut and slap chastity belts on my wife and myself. I would never, ever do such a thing … wear a chastity belt, I mean; I got a vasectomy years ago.

Of course, I wouldn’t do the other stuff, either … in front of a camera.

No, what you witnessed was the result of my mad Photoshop skillz … which I didn’t think would actually fool anybody; I thought you’d all just look at the picture and say, “Ha! That Jon and his mad Photoshop skillz!” But, apparently, some of you think I’d actually incriminate myself in front of the entire Internet … so I feel it’s important to show you the original image, which actually was taken in July of last year, while we were in Rehoboth Beach, Delaware.

Which reminds me: it’s been at least 10 seconds since I complained about summer being over, and more than a full minute since I said “I wish it was time to go back to the beach house in Delaware.” There, I feel better now.

Speaking of trips to warmer climes: that California vacation I mentioned yesterday? Writing about it brought back one of the more priceless memories from my childhood, which came courtesy of my younger brother, who was a few months shy of his fifth birthday at the time.

Picture this: My 4-year-old brother, 6-year-old sister and I are seated in the rental car with our father. We are parked outside of NBC Studios in Burbank, where my mother is standing in a crowded line to snag a pair of tickets for that evening’s taping of “The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson.”

We’re listening to the radio while waiting for her when, suddenly, a jaunty little number by AC/DC comes on. It’s a song we’ve never heard before. Something about a man who likes to organize large, formal functions. Balls, as it were.

The chorus kicks in, and we are serenaded by Bon Scott singing, “I’ve got big balls,” a phrase he repeats about a gazillion times. My father presumably is on a mental vacation of his own (a common occurrence), so the song continues to play uninterrupted.

And here’s where we enter full-on Griswold status:

My brother hangs his upper body out the back window of the car as the beautiful people of Hollywood are milling about and the gorgeous Southern California sun is shining down, and yells at the top of his little lungs, “HEY MOM! WE’VE GOT BIG BALLS!

Twenty-nine years later, I still laugh mine off every time I remember it.

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One of the only positive things about sinking into the dark and dreary morass of fall and winter is that many photographic opportunities not present at any other time of the year suddenly present themselves. With any luck, I’ll be able to stay focused on such things and avoid developing full-blown Seasonal Affective Disorder.

You know what’s even cooler looking than these blades of grass adorned with frost? The shot I captured of the blades of grass on which the frost had melted. Something to look forward to for tomorrow.

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Sorbet, anyone?


When I was 10, my parents took my brother, sister and I on our first big vacation. We flew from Boston to California, where we rented a Mercury Zephyr and visited Disneyland. The Zephyr had power windows, which were relatively new to us; had my parents used the money they spent on the trip to instead buy a car with power windows, we’d have been equally entertained.

In addition to visiting Disneyland, we also visited Universal Studios … where, sadly, the “Jaws” attraction was drained due to in-progress maintenance. (There are few things more pathetic than an enormous, fake, Great White shark trying to look fierce as it’s being held aloft by a fully exposed metal arm while sitting in the middle of a bone-dry cement pond.)

We capped our Universal visit with dinner at Victoria Station — which, at the time, seemed fancier to us than the Taj Mahal. As an indication of just how fancy-shmancy the restaurant was: they served to each of us between the appetizer and main course a miniature ice cream cone containing a tiny scoop of lemon sorbet, whose purpose, we learned, was to cleanse our palates before we moved on to our tasty dinner. (Clearly, this was a big deal, because, roughly three decades later, I remember neither the appetizer nor the dinner, but can still see with great clarity the little lemon-sorbet cones.)

Now, I don’t know about you, but the happenings around here last week left a bit of a bad taste in my mouth, and I feel I could use some palate cleansing before we move on to tastier things. Unfortunately, sending each of you a lemon-sorbet cone is entirely impractical. Thus, I offer up instead a delicious musical interlude:

That there is a duo that goes by the name of Pomplamoose covering a Beyonce song that I’m happy to say I’ve never had the misfortune of hearing, but I’m willing to bet my lily-white ass that Pomplamoose’s version is about a bazillion times better. The lovely Maggie of Mighty Girl fame turned me on to it a few weeks ago, and I instantly was hooked. If ever a palate-cleansing mental sorbet existed, this is it. (And if you need further cleansing, allow me to direct you to this equally catchy Pomplamoose original.)

Both songs have some serious hooks … so much so that they’ll soon be rattling around in your head incessantly, wiping clean the brain space previously occupied by the nastiness of last week’s infestation. You’re welcome.

And for those of you who actually prefer controversy, feel free to read my thoughts about circumcision over at Momversation … because I know you’ve been consumed with the need to know how I feel about that issue.

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Posted in General, Life, Music | 13 Responses

Olive branch

Before the whole Childfree controversy erupted last week, I was unaware of how completely inappropriate it was for my wife and I to have procreated, what awful parents we must be, and what a burden it is upon everyone around us when we take our terrorist-like offspring out in public. Now that I’ve been enlightened, I just want everyone to see all of the precautions we’re taking to avoid causing any further trouble.

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