This entire thing is in my stomach right now

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The tomato sauce counts as a vegetable, right?

File under “Irony” …

Right after lunch, I got this email from my doc:

Your labs from yesterday are excellent. As expected, your HDL (good) cholesterol is even higher [than last year], and the remainder of your numbers are healthy.

Please have someone carve that on my tombstone this weekend. Thanks.

I’m gonna miss you guys.

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Posted in Life | 5 Responses

43

m4s0n501
43

For those of ye who doubt that old people can still party, allow me to tender myself as Exhibit A in the case of The Man Who Rocked His 43rd Birthday … by Going to the Doctor and Getting His Annual Physical!

Visiting the doc isn’t the only thing I did to celebrate my big day, though. I also toasted myself with some special birthday shots. Yeah, first I got a flu shot … and then I got a Combined Tetanus, Diphtheria and Pertussis Vaccine. That kinda sucked, so I made up for it by tying off and sticking a needle in my arm. (Well, actually, the lab tech did that … when she took a vial of my blood.)

But still: I’m a wild man … as evidenced by this evening’s impending pizza party.

Today’s physical comes on the heels of yesterday’s dentist visit for a long overdue cleaning/checkup, and last week’s annual vision exam. You see, I need to make sure all this shit is in good working order … because I plan to get my money’s worth out of this mortal coil during the second half.

Game on.

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Posted in Life, My Birthday | 7 Responses

I appreciate this company-sanctioned act of rebellion

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I feel young. Wild. Free.

Look at me, bitches! I’m flipping off the establishment!

Screw you, responsibility and adulthood! I’m a modern day Peter Pan! (If Peter Pan spent 40 hours per week in a cubicle farm, that is.)

Khakis and dress shoes be damned. Today, I’m dressing down. Today, it’s jeans and sneakers. Because today? Today, my friends … is

Casual Friday!

Yeah, baby! Today, I’m sticking it to The Man!

(With his permission, of course.)

(Thank you, sir. May I have another?)

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Posted in Cubicle, Life | 12 Responses

♫ It’s the least … wonderful tiiime … of the yeeearrr ♬

Nighty-night. Wake me in June.

Wake me when it’s summer, m’kay?

Well, the holidays are over, boys and girls, and you know what that means: Time for me to slide into my cryogenic sleep chamber and get all kinds of unconscious for the next few months!

Listen, I can handle the fall. I don’t like it … but I can handle it. In fact, if we could go from summer to fall and then right back to summer again, I’d be all smiles when fall showed up. Based on the current arrangement, however, fall is just nature’s equivalent of a used-car dealer pulling a shitty bait-and-switch routine.

“You’re looking for Summer? Well, we’re all out of those, but lemme show you something that I think you’re really gonna love. Step right this way and feast your eyes on … FALL! Isn’t she a beauty? Yessiree, my friend: Fall is just like summer … only BETTER! Look at that beautiful foliage! So colorful! And that weather! So mild and dry!

“What’s that? Dark at 4 o’clock in the afternoon? Well, yes, this model does feature a one-hour time change, but that doesn’t happen for a while, and plus— Say what? You heard that all the pretty leaves fall off the trees, leaving behind the most depressingly desolate landscape you’ve ever seen? OK, technically, yes, that’s true, but— Plummeting temperatures? Well, granted things do cool down a bit, but — WAIT! NO! DON’T OPEN THE TRUNK!”

BLAM!!!!

shoveling

… thafuck?

Yeah, like that.

Now, as much as I despise the transition from fall to winter, I’m fairly adept at convincing myself that the November and December climate change is just part of a holiday-season set piece … and, taken in that context, I’m OK with it. In fact, I had the most delightful holiday season of my life this year, and when the first snowflakes of this winter began to fall on Christmas Eve, I was totally down with the magic of the moment.

It’s January 8th. The magic’s gone, bitch.

There are few things more bleak and dreary than early January. As soon as the decorations are stowed in the attic and the Christmas tree has been relegated to the trash heap, I’m ready to suck down a propofol shake and slip into a five-month coma.

Unfortunately, my propofol connections have all dried up and the cryogenic sleep chamber I’ve been working on hasn’t quite gelled … so it looks like I’m going to have to do what I did last year … which is to drag my ass out of bed before sunup and torture myself work out like a mental patient in the hopes that the endorphin rush will keep me from curling up in the fetal position until June.

So, you know … I have that to look forward to.

Hey, do any of you have a Caribbean mansion I can borrow for a few months?

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Posted in Life, Winter | 18 Responses

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

Last night, to mark the end of one year and the start of another, we let the kids stay up WAY past their bedtimes and lit a bunch of shit on fire in our front yard.

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I will use pictures of that occasion to mask the fact that, instead of writing a real blog post, I’m just blurting out some random, sort-of-relevant facts.

Pyro Master

I launched the first incarnation of this blog seven years ago today.

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I didn’t do enough writing in 2012.

Zan getting his fireworks on

I will do more writing in 2013.

Wonder Woman & Jayna sparkle it up

I love my family.

Wonder Twin powers: activate.

I’m going to do my damnedest to make this coming year a special one.

Happy New Year!

I hope you have a Happy New Year, peeps.

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Posted in Jayna, Life, Parenthood, Writing, Zan | 9 Responses